Bobby promised the moon. The chart had other plans.
The market has characters.
A baby hosts. A bull predicts. A bear objects. A very old owl regrets accepting the booking. The argument has been running since the first candle — we just installed cameras.
No wallet. No token. No financial advice. Somehow still a finance show.
THE CAST
Five voices. One market. Zero consensus.
Choose a voice. The table will form an opinion.
- Baby Satoshi. THE HOST. Small suit. Oversized conviction.
- Eli Bearman. THE BEAR. He sees risk before breakfast.
- Bobby Bullish. THE BULL. Every dip looks like an invitation.
- Professor Owlins. THE PROFESSOR. Data first. Drama second.
- Rex. THE FOX. Fast reads. Sharper exits.
From the Archive
Tonight's broadcast
The first tapes of the eternal argument — kept on the wall partly as history, partly as evidence.
EP002 · 1:00
Watch →EP001 · 0:52 · Series PremiereWelcome!Watch →
NEXT · In ProductionThe Next BroadcastIn production
The Viral Cut
Sixty seconds of someone being wrong.
“That's not zoom out. That's WIPE OUT.” — Eli, in peak form.
Bobby explains diamond hands. His wallet history disagrees.
A strategy so simple even Bobby can't follow it.
Take a side
Three situations. One microphone.
Hand the mic. The desk keeps score — then files its verdict.
01 / 03
The market drops twenty percent overnight. The desk goes live. Who gets the mic?
An original production
Nothing on this stage is accidental.
Baby Satoshi TV is an independent animated property built as a living broadcast world — recurring characters, a permanent studio, episodic stories and short cuts that travel without losing the show’s identity. Every chair, catchphrase and camera angle has an author. The chaos is scripted. The argument is real.
Inside the studio- 09
- Original characters
- 02
- Broadcast languages
- 00
- Tokens. Ever.
- 01
- Connected universe
Baby Satoshi TV · Original animated production
ON AIRRelease desk
Built for the audience, not the algorithm.
Every channel carries the same authored world in the format that fits it best. One account per platform, five hosts sharing it — Bobby has filed a complaint.
Launch rollout
Distribution networkChannel status
There is no token. There is no coin. There is no “stealth launch.” Anyone selling you one is running a different show in our costumes.
For those who still want one
Audience club
The case will reopen. Be reachable.
One email when a broadcast goes live. That's the whole operation. Eli audited our marketing funnel and found nothing — he called it the healthiest chart on the show.
Open desk
Partnerships & press
Building something in financial education or entertainment? The round table takes meetings.
Contact channel opening with the public launch.
Questions from the floor
The audience asks. The desk answers.
Is this financial advice?
ELINo. Advice costs money and ends badly. This is free, and it only ends badly for Bobby.
When is the next broadcast?
CONTROLWhen it survives the writers' room. Episodes air when they're ready, and the channels link up when the desk settles who holds the password. Both are close. Neither is a date.
Is there a token?
OWLINSNo.
Legal requested a longer answer. The Professor declined. The long version lives on the rights page. →
Who is Baby Satoshi?
BABYBaby is the host. Baby asks the questions. That one stays unanswered. The bottle stays closed.
Why animals in suits?
BOBBYBecause when a bull yells “this is the bottom”, it's comedy. When your group chat yells it, it's your portfolio.
Can I put the characters on a t-shirt?
CONTROLWe love that you asked first — most people don't. The answer is no for now: merchandise arrives officially or not at all. The rights page says this with more lawyers.
